This talk was given at a BYU Devotional on the year anniversary of my brother's passing away. At that day in my life I was currently fence sitting- trying to figure out whether it would be worth it to hold on to the "good days" that were before his death and dwell in the past, or to believe that life could be happy again. That all this hurt and all the questions could be overcome, and that a happy future was a possibility for me.
Well Elder Holland saved the day. This talk was given for me. It has changed my life, and the principles
mentioned are things I need so badly in my life! My childhood was happy, and I loved my family very much. Now, however, my brother was gone just like that- unexpectedly, painfully, and without closure. My parents divorced, my mom left the church and went into a deep depression with no coping skills in hand. My relationship with her was withering away. My other two brothers were out of the state, and I felt alone. I wanted the days that were before his death. I wanted my family back. I saw no end to the immense weight that caring for my mom brought. I could not see how the light and peace could ever come back to my life. I thought there was no way I could ever be as happy again. But Christ is mighty to save.
The atonement doesn't just "stitch up"- it wipes clean. It heals without a scar. It makes what was crimson as white as snow. I now testify along with Elder Holland that it is possible to have a happier future than past. The Lord has magnificent plans for us. We are not forgotten. We can be not just "as happy" but HAPPIER than the day our world was turned upside down by that death, or that accident, or that loss, event, breakdown, breakup, injury, or failure. There is brighter light in the future than we can see from our limited perspective. There is always hope. As long as Christ lives so does hope, healing, peace, assurance, and light.
In this talk Elder Holland tells about Lot's wife from the bible story. Lot and his family were told by the Lord to leave Sodom and Gommorah before it was destroyed, and to not look back. Lot's wife, however, as they were leaving, looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. Elder Holland noticed a huge lesson here that I would never have noticed on my own. It's about learning from the past, but not living in it. He reminds us that faith is always pointed to the future, and that the Atonement makes it possible to move forward, make progress, and overcome. AKA- exactly the message I needed on that difficult anniversary for me. It helped me make a choice. It helped me choose faith. I've listened to it dozens of times when I've felt myself question that choice during hard moments. But when my faith wavers I have the chance to start fresh with a new faith to try again, to hope again, and to heal again.
I'm so grateful for Elder Holland's eloquent words that have helped me face the future with faith.
"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for
yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to
be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from
glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we
need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have
experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet
be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about
Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s
ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently
she thought—fatally, as it turned out—that nothing that lay ahead could
possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind."
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